Who says a hillbilly can't multi-task? Greg kneeling on a knee pad with the phone in his ear, a 5 pound hammer in the crook of his arm, a cable stake in his left hand and a trap in his right hand.
I was resetting a coyote scent-post set while my buddies, Charlie Pace and Jim McDaniels, sat in the warm truck and visited. Charlie had brought his camera hoping to capitalize on any misfortune involving me getting my fingers pinched in a #3 Victor coil spring trap. Luckily I was able to avoid this embarrassing photo because I didn’t get myself caught and he stayed in the truck. But if he would’ve got a picture of what really happened it would have been even worse.
I had just finished bedding the trap and salting the jaw channels for antifreeze when I inadvertently touched the pan and SNAP – the trap went off. Now when a trap goes off and you’re doubled over with your face about two feet away, you’re going to get your face peppered good with dirt, salt, and gravel. If you are a one-eyed hillbilly and that one eye catches a truck load of trap shrapnel, well, you’re gonna fall backwards, spitting and kicking and flailing like a yard worker with a face full of yellow jackets. I involuntarily reversed direction and began the blind man stagger, with my arms waving wildly as I was trying to locate the bed of the truck to steady myself. After spitting out enough salty dirt to make a fine-right mud pie and wiping enough dirt-filled tears away from my face to leave Indian war-paint streaks out the corners of my eye(s), I was finally able to regain my composure. Much to my surprise and relief, Jim and Charlie never saw a thing! Charlie had laid over into the driver’s side door to snooze and Jim was looking toward the front of the truck from the passenger’s side. I had managed to get away with one…thank goodness.
Can't you see the explosion coming? Bent over the trap, the One-Eyed Hillbilly in a good (bad) position to get a face full of salty dirt!
The nature of the equipment involved in trapping naturally lends itself to some very funny situations for the observer and some very uncomfortable predicaments for the trapper. It’s an interesting observation of mine that I’ve lost more fingernails in 3 months of trapping than I have in all the rest of my life! A trapper always has scarred fingers, smashed nails, and rough hands in general due to mishaps. You might as well grit your teeth and laugh because it’s going to happen. And I figure ‘if you can’t laugh at yourself then who can you laugh at,’ so you might as well tell about it. There’s nothing more refreshing than a good laugh in the Great Outdoors.
At the scent post set, pushing poly-fil under the trap pan with a stick. Notice the free jaw up.
One particularly cold January morning I caught a coyote in my first set of the morning. As I began to reset the trap I forgot to raise the free jaw and, of course, I accidently hit the pan and caught all four fingers of my right hand in the trap. My instant startled reaction was to stand straight up, which pulled the trap to the end of the 18 inch chain, jerking me back over. With one hand in the trap the only choice I had, while stooping over with the trap on the ground, was to push one lever down with my left hand while standing on the other lever with my right foot. Easy enough, right? Under normal circumstances you would say ‘yes.’ But this wasn’t normal - it was 15°, I wasn’t warmed up yet, and I was still stiff. Needless to say I got a Charlie horse in my leg! So, I had a trap on my right hand and a Charlie horse in my left leg and I didn’t know which one to address first. The cramp in my leg made my mind up for me. I fell to the ground and, with the chain stretched tight, I began kicking 36 inch circles around the trap bed in a furious attempt to get relief from the cramp. Now, if you can imagine, this must’ve looked completely ridiculous! Here is some idiot out in the middle of a field with a trap on his hand and a cramp in his leg attempting to get away from both afflictions and unable to get away from either one! If someone would’ve videoed the whole shenanigan we could’ve made a fortune on TV. It’s easy to laugh now but it wasn’t too funny back then!
The last step - adding red fox urine to a scent post set. The trap is bedded and covered to the right of the rock in the low spot.
After the cramp finally let go and I managed to get the trap off my hand I rolled over on the hard ground and laid there on my back for a few minutes stretching my leg and flexing my fingers. Man what I great way to spend a refreshing early morning in the Ozarks! I don’t recommend you try it. So says the One-Eyed Hillbilly.
Greg Stephens is a 35-year veteran & life-time student of the great outdoors. His column appears weekly in print & online publications. You can email him at gregstephens@one-eyedhillbilly.com. For more columns go to www.one-eyedhillbilly.blogspot.com.
No comments:
Post a Comment