Packin’ a Smoke Pole and Cuttin’ for Sign

Predator control success on opening day of muzzleloader season. Big Mac Jim McDaniels and the One-Eyed Hillbilly with an Ozarks bobcat.

I learned a lesson this past weekend during opening weekend of Missouri muzzleloader season – you are never too far back in the woods to be out of earshot of others. And, if you forget this lesson you will make an idiot of yourself. I did both. You see, it is both muzzleloader season and furbearer / trapping season. So, this past weekend I carried my smoke pole while I was running my trap line. As it always turns out, I ended up ‘cutting for sign’ for trapping as much or more than I spent time looking for deer. Missouri muzzleloader season runs from December 18th through December 28th. If you have an unfilled tag left from regular firearms season and you have access to a muzzleloader then deer season may not be over for you yet. However, since Christmas falls during the season I advise that you open all your presents and put them away before you head to the woods to hunt – Santa (and everybody else) will put you on the Bad List and take back all the presents if you leave to hunt prior to opening gifts…trust me on this, you will not be popular!

At Lake Spring this past Saturday I slung my muzzleloader over my shoulder and struck out for the trap line. Deer hunting and trapping - it was a double dip on outdoor excitement! The next day, Sunday afternoon, I took my son Alex with me to the woods. We were there to run the traps, watch for deer, and pick up a load of wood in the process. Much to Alex’s joyous relief the sun had thawed the ground enough that we almost got stuck in the field so picking up the wood was out. Since it was muzzleloader season, we opted instead to set a few more traps while watching for deer. After we finished setting in a few more sets at Lake Spring we headed up the road to a friend’s place to try our hand there.

The whole time we were in the truck Alex was playing some sort of video game or IPOD thingy. I don’t like video games or IPOD thingies. As a matter of fact I despise those things. I think they are pretty much a waste of time. So, I was a little irritated from the get-go. As we pulled in to the last spot to set a trap I was out of the truck and digging a trap bed while Alex sat in the truck playing games. As I walked back and forth getting equipment and tools I was getting more and more irritated. I began talking to myself. When I was a kid when dad had taken me to hunt or fish he had to make me walk 5 steps behind him or I’d be stepping on his heels - Alex was in the truck with an IPOD thingy. I felt a ‘Stephens’ fit’ coming on.

Song dogs just before muzzleloader season – predator control means higher fawn survival rates in the spring. Jim McDaniels and the One-Eyed Hillbilly with a double on coyotes.

When I was a kid I thought the ‘Stephens’ fit’ was the evil side of his split personality that possessed my dad when I screwed up. Later, as I got older I discovered from listening to my cousins that it was actually an evil spirit that possessed both my dad and his brother, Uncle Bob. After I became a parent myself I discovered that the spirit had jumped from dad to me as well. As I said, Alex was in the truck playing a video game and I asked him if he had the time and didn’t mind, maybe he could help me. He got out of the truck and brought me a spade. As I dug with my rubber boots and gloves to prevent scent transfer, Alex coughed loudly and spit right next to my trap bed. That was the final straw - the evil side of my split personality had arrived! At the top of my lungs I tore loose with a #!X%$@X#!%@#!... spit and gasp and cough! It was ugly! Alex just looked at me in disbelief as if to say, “What was that all about?!”

As I was catching my breath I glanced up the trail and caught a glimpse of something moving toward the truck. It was two hunters, a young man and woman. They had been just over the pond bank from us when we pulled up. Not only had we ruined their hunt but they witnessed my amusing little foray in the demented world of the ‘Stephens’ fit’. I was embarrassed! Alex didn’t say a thing. Had it been me 30 years ago I would have wanted to get on the ground kicking and screaming with laughter because my dad had just made an idiot of himself while throwing a fit...though I wouldn't dared have actually done it. I would have thought that there was some justice in the world when dad acted like that only to discover that someone else other than his intended audience witnessed the whole ugly episode. Ya, 30 years ago that would’ve really been funny alright…but it wasn’t funny the other day.

What is this world coming too? You can’t even throw a good fit out in the middle of the woods without someone hearing you. That’s just wrong. We did manage to catch a few critters last weekend but no deer. I guess when you think about it, it isn’t surprising. When I was with my son I was pitching a fit and when I was by myself I was looking for furbearer sign more than I was hunting so there was no way I was going to see any deer. Lessons learned – regardless of where you are, don’t throw a fit if you aren’t willing for everyone to hear and don’t expect a one-eyed guy to be able to cut for trapping sign and keep an eye out for deer at the same time! So says the One-Eyed Hillbilly.

Greg Stephens is a 35-year veteran & life-time student of the great outdoors. His column appears weekly in print & online publications. You can email him at gregstephens@one-eyedhillbilly.com. For more columns go to www.one-eyedhillbilly.blogspot.com.