Coleman & the “Freak Show”



If'n ya don't want to hear the raw and blunt truth of the matter then ya better not get to chewin' the fat around the campfire with this little hillbilly.  Coleman Stephens in the turkey woods - Missouri spring youth turkey season 2012.

 My 7-year-old son, Coleman, and I went turkey hunting last weekend. We were in the Piney Creek Wilderness in southwestern Missouri, near Table Rock Lake. This wasn’t the first time we had hunted the Piney Creek Wilderness; last fall we hunted the wilderness with one of Coleman’s older brothers, Alex. As we sat on a saddle above Table Rock Lake with a nice 9 point buck quartering toward us, Coleman was unable to make the necessary adjustments in time to take a shot and, instead, Alex shot the buck. Coleman has let everyone within earshot know that Alex stole his first deer. Not wanting a repeat during turkey season, we didn’t invite Alex along on this trip– it was just Coleman and me for some exciting spring turkey hunting and some father-son campfire bonding.

We got to the wilderness after dark and began setting up the camp under the headlights of the truck. After finally lighting a lantern we began preparations for our campfire. Of course, Coleman was immediately hungry. We roasted hotdogs and ate potato chips. We drank soda pop and ate cookies. We told stories, asked questions, and laughed around the campfire. It was a great evening of father-son campfire bonding.

During the course of our evening our conversation drifted to a place where I would venture to guess most father & sons never visit during father-son campfire bonding. Out of the wild blue Coleman wanted to quiz me about my one eye. He said, “So dad, do you have a plastic eye to wear when you don’t wear your patch?”

I told Coleman that I did have a glass (plastic) eye but that I hadn’t worn it much in the past several years. He asked why I hadn’t worn it, to which I explained it really didn’t fit and it was miserable during the cold part of the year. During trapping season in the late winter it is truly miserable when your eye-lid freezes to your plastic eye. You don’t know it’s frozen until you try to blink and then the pain will bring you to your knees! It’s beyond aggravating when it happens several times during the course of a single day in the woods. On more than one occasion it happened while I was in a bow stand in the late winter and I thought I would fall out of my deer stand! Ouch!

Coleman seemed intrigued. He continued to question me about the extra hole in my head. I love children of his age. They are brutally honest and ask blunt questions that aren’t in any way intended offensively. They are just looking for answers and you can’t help but laugh out loud. Coleman asked, “So dad, when you have your glass eye in your head, does it work?”

“Does it work?” I asked. “What do you mean?”

“Well, can you see with it?” he explained.

“Oh, oh, I see what you are asking.” I said. “No, unfortunately it is only to cover the extra hole where my eye used to be.”

He sat there quietly for a few moments contemplating my answers and then, his face lit up with a great revelation and he said, “Oh, so it’s just so that you don’t look like a freak show!”

I had to laugh out loud! Yes Coleman, my innocent and brutally honest young son, it is just so I don’t look like a freak show! You gotta love those kids.

Coleman and I didn’t get a turkey on opening weekend but we explored new and heart-warming territory in our father-son relationship while talking around the campfire. He slept on my side of the air mattress. This combined with the fact that we only brought sheets and not any covers and the temperature dropped into the upper 40’s made for a particularly sleepless night. The next morning we didn’t have time to make coffee. Coleman didn’t mind – he had chocolate donuts. As a matter of fact, he didn’t even seem to mind that we didn’t see any turkeys. He was just happy to eat donuts and turkey hunt with his “freak show” dad. And “freak show” dad will never forget our first solo turkey camping trip. So says the One-Eyed…Freak Show Hillbilly.

Greg Stephens is a 35-year veteran & life-time student of the great outdoors. His column appears weekly in print & online publications. You can email him at gregstephens@one-eyedhillbilly.com. For more columns go to www.one-eyedhillbilly.blogspot.com.