Cookin’ Deer Pellet Stew

Last week I heard a big load of deer pellet stew come over the radio air waves. As I cruised down the road dreaming about the upcoming hunting and trapping season I punched the search button on the radio. The dial stopped on NPR (National Socialist Radio). I was getting ready to hit search again when I struck on what obviously was a horror spoof designed to elicit the same reaction as that received by the 1938 radio adaptation of H.G. Wells’ “War of the Worlds.” It was shocking - not because of the primary subject matter but because of the slant the story took. And the scariest part is that it took a few minutes of listening before I realized that this was not a spoof at all (my old hunting buddy Troy Frizzell used to tell me that I was as simple as a pet coon).

The story centered on scientists who are currently attempting to grow meat in the lab from stem cells for human consumption. Not real shocking on the surface other than it just sounded kinda gross – “Waitress, give me a medium rare Petri dish filet cut fresh from the pulsating blob.” However the slant the story used to justify the effort was a personal affront for all independent minded citizens, hunters, fishermen, trappers, and livestock producers. It seems they were justifying the effort in the name of cruelty to animals and global warming! Are you kidding me?! I was then questioning whether this was a horror program or the comedy hour. It was a perfect concoction of deer pellet stew.

The radio reporter was interviewing an “expert” in the field and proclaimed the great benefit of this effort being that we could eat “meat” without having to “cruelly” kill animals for food. Hmmm, is that what hunters have been doing since the beginning of human existence – cruelly killing animals so that we can eat. Heck, I thought we were just playing our role as designed by the Creator. Man, I think this deer pellet stew is tainted beyond the norm.

Next the reporter went on to profess another potential benefit of stem cell steak was the eradication of livestock operations that are apparently one of the main players responsible for global warming. Man, I didn’t know that we folks from the hills were such cruel environmental bulldozers. I’m going to have to reconsider my entire interaction within the fabric of Mother Nature. And to think that stem cell steak could provide the answer to my dysfunctional relationship with the natural world! What a load of deer pellet stew!

Call me paranoid but I’m kinda uneasy with corporations attempting to grow meat in the name of global warming and animal cruelty. Wouldn’t it be convenient to have the patent on the production of “laboratory liver” much like the corporations that own the rights to genetically altered grains that are raised for food. There is actually court precedence in favor of corporations that sued farmers who did not use the corporations genetically altered grains but inadvertently got their genetic strains through cross pollination from natural processes under no control of the farmer. If stem cell steak or laboratory liver takes blossom in corporate Petri dishes and you are a believer in independently producing your own food through family cattle farming, crop farming, hunting, trapping, or fishing you might find yourself labeled a cruel environmental pirate.

Man this world gets stranger with every turn. Who would’ve dreamed that outdoor folks from the hills who just want to feed themselves and participate in nature through hunting, fishing, and trapping could be in the forefront of the global warming and animal cruelty debate? I think we’re getting drug into the deer pellet stew. So says the One-Eyed Hillbilly.

Greg Stephens is a 35-year veteran & life-time student of the great outdoors. His column appears weekly in print & online publications. You can email him at gregstephens@one-eyedhillbilly.com. For more columns go to www.one-eyedhillbilly.blogspot.com.