Hunting with the ‘Holiday’ Hustler

Wayne ‘Holiday’ Isbell with his 2008 9-pointer. The hustle was just beginning.

The first time the new guy goes hunting with you he will kill the biggest buck. Trust me on this, it’s a given. The first time is a given, the second time is a coincidence, and the third time, well, that’s just downright disgusting. Call it beginner’s luck, call it fate, call it whatever you like, but it will happen. Even though you have hunted in that same spot for years, when you direct the new guy to that old hunting crossing a big buck will be waiting for him. Just count on it. He will then commandeer the crossing as his own and it will become a big buck superhighway. Trust me on this one too.

Enter by brother-in-law and good friend, Wayne Isbell. Wayne is from St. Louis. Wayne loves to deer hunt. Wayne has a good sense of humor (thank goodness for him). Wayne doesn’t like to camp. He will visit with us at camp, eat with us at camp, tell lies with us at camp, play practical jokes with us at camp, and hunt with us, but he won’t camp with us. From my hunting partner of many years, Ellis Floyd, those traits earned Wayne the nickname, ‘Holiday’ because he camps at the Holiday Inn during season. Also those traits made ‘Holiday’ the easy target for many of our ‘city’ jokes. However, those jokes all started to fade in 2008.

‘Holiday’ was part of the family and in 2008 he started hunting with us on Uncle Boone’s Farm. We sent him up on the Cemetery Ridge in an open timber crossing between the old field and the deep woods. It was a good spot where we had all hunted in the past. A good spot for the ‘city guy’ we figured. Of course ‘Holiday’ killed the biggest deer of the season on the farm the first day he sat on the ridge. I heard two shots fired so fast that I thought someone with a semiautomatic rifle was up on the ridge but it was just Wayne firing his lever action so fast that John Wayne would’ve been proud. And he had good reason to be firing fast because he took a great 9 pointer on the run that would’ve made any of us proud. We all chalked it up to the luck of a new guy and didn’t realize at the time we were being hustled. To make the performance even more convincing ‘Holiday’ played the humble new guy part to the hilt acting embarrassed that he had taken the biggest deer. With a sheepish grin he asked if it was alright that he had killed such a big buck. We all said, “Of course it’s ok, congratulations!” That was 2008.

The next year Holiday showed up at camp and humbly accepted all the city, new guy, and beginner’s luck jabs we all dished out to justify his taking the biggest buck the previous year. This year we were going to show him. This year the hunting clan wasn’t going to settle for anything less than the 30 pointer. We’d put this new guy in his place. Opening day Wayne again went up on the ridge (his new spot), but this time a 9 pointer wasn’t good enough. He killed a 10 pointer and again, the biggest deer of the year on the farm. After much grumbling and talk under the breath, it was chalked up to coincidence. Again, the humble, embarrassed new guy act was in full display as he acted concerned about once again killing the biggest deer. My hillbilly spidy senses began to tingle as I started suspecting a hustle. That was 2009.

The One-Eyed Hillbilly with Holiday and his 2010 buck. Next year the gloves are coming off!

Once again, this year Holiday showed up at camp. We laughed, lied, ate, and he didn’t camp again. We went to the farm and he went up on the Cemetery Ridge but this year he didn’t kill the biggest buck of the year up there. Finally, deer hunting justice! No, instead, he was walking back to the farmhouse for lunch and saw a doe jump the creek. He pursued the spot where she had jumped and a 10 pointer, along with several does, stood up 60 yards away. Holiday unloaded again with John Wayne speed and the biggest buck of the year was once again his claim. Now, I know a good hustle when I see one and this was the perfect deer hunting trifecta. I wasn’t buying the humble act any more. I don’t watch TV but I’ve heard of the new show called ‘Survivor’ where they all get together and vote off a player in each episode. I think next year we’re going to have to vote! This is getting ridiculous!

The city jokes are all over. The new guy act is in the can. Next year the gloves are coming off. I just hope Holiday doesn’t take up fishing and trapping. It could get embarrassing! Congratulations Wayne for once again giving us a lesson. The third time is a charm!...and I hope somebody bends your gun barrel before next year. So says the One-Eyed Hillbilly.

Greg Stephens is a 35-year veteran & life-time student of the great outdoors. His column appears weekly in print & online publications. You can email him at gregstephens@one-eyedhillbilly.com. For more columns go to www.one-eyedhillbilly.blogspot.com.