‘Smell is in the Nose of the Beholder’

The Great Outdoors stinks…at least according to some folks. I, on the other hand, completely understand the old saying that ‘a pig farmer doesn’t smell pig #!@$%!’. As my outdoor experiences have evolved over the past 35 years it has become apparent to me that critters in the wild and modern humans (especially moms and wives) possess vastly different taste in, and appreciation for, smells. But, after you grow up first fishing, then hunting, and finally trapping, you just don’t smell it anymore. It seems ‘ smell is in the nose of the beholder’.

Every young child in the Ozark hills starts out cat fishing with some old stink bait. At 4 years old, the first time you dig your fingers down into a tub of the smelly stuff it is similar to wet play-dough and it sure does stink! You wonder how in the world anything would ever want to eat such an obnoxious concoction. However, after you drag in that first 5 pound catfish you think, “Wow, maybe this stuff isn’t as bad as it smells!” By the time the fishing trip is over you’re eating a sandwich while you have stink bait from the tips of your fingers to your elbows and it doesn’t even faze you – you don’t smell it any more! However, when your mom gets a whiff of you, believe you, me, it will faze her! To her it’s particularly bad after the cleaning chore when the smell of the stink bait is mixed with the smell of warm fish guts. As she gags you’ll just shrug your shoulders and take another bite of your sandwich.

Soon to have stink bait from her elbow to her fingertips, cousin Lydia Stephens with her dad, Lance, cat fishing at Grandma Sharon’s pond. All she needs now is a sandwich!

Next, as a kid you graduate from fishing to rabbit hunting with beagles. Now beagles are some of the most fun loving dogs in the world. They are exciting and fun to watch while hunting. But when a half dozen of them pour out of the pen and jump and lick all over you, your mom won’t like the smell they leave on your Sunday-go-to-meetin’ clothes that you just didn’t have time to change before going rabbit hunting. After you’ve sweated and hunted all afternoon and then let the beagles ride back to town with you in the back seat of the car, mom will really appreciate it when you throw your clothes on top of the other laundry. At the top of her lungs she will scream something like… “all the clothes smell like a dirty, wet dog!” Heck, those clothes didn’t smell that bad to me before they were washed. I think she was just being dramatic.

Finally, if you evolve into trapping your mom or wife just won’t appreciate the intoxicating fragrances of the various lures, baits, and urines that appeal to furbearers. By smell alone a trapper can detect the difference between coyote, bobcat, and red fox urines. He immediately recognizes the difference between a strong call lure and a subtle gland lure. He will even find a good bobcat lure with catnip pleasing to the smell. To a trapper even skunk essence becomes a fragrance of interest that is used in many quality call lures as opposed to just a repulsive smell brought home by the overly-curious family dog. However, if you put this stuff in the family car, even in the trunk, your mom will ground you for a month. And, if you have your own vehicle, your wife or girlfriend won’t even get in it during trapping season (or anyone else for that matter).

Yes, smell is definitely in the nose of the beholder. In the late 1980’s marketing of deer estrus and urine was just catching on as a viable means of attracting bucks during the rut. My college roommate and fraternity brother, Jeff Layman, and I had come to enjoy tormenting a certain fraternity pledge and friend of ours named Chris Gatley. Gatley was a great guy who had a great sense of humor (thank goodness). During deer season one fall we had bought some doe estrus while the three of us were out deer hunting in Gatley’s Jeep. Jeff decided it would be a great trick to pour a small amount of the estrus in the drivers-side floorboard while Gatley was inside his grandmother’s house. It was after dark and the old Jeep didn’t have interior lighting so we weren’t able to see what we were doing and Jeff accidently dropped the whole bottle. Just then Gatley walked out the door toward the Jeep. As the whole bottle emptied onto the floorboard we sat up straight and played inconspicuous. Now, the old Jeep didn’t have carpet or matting, just the metal floorboards. To make matters worse Gatley had exhaust headers on the motor that seriously heated up the floorboards. Did you know that fumes from burning deer pee would burn your eyes? Well we didn’t either but we learned the hard way. We drove 30 miles back to Springfield on a cold November night with both doors open, gagging and eyes watering all the way. He took that Jeep to the car wash and sprayed out the interior and he still couldn’t get rid of the baked-on deer pee smell. The smell stayed until summer! I never did learn to appreciate that particular smell. So says the One-Eyed Hillbilly.

Greg Stephens is a 35-year veteran & life-time student of the great outdoors. His column appears weekly in print & online publications. You can email him at gregstephens@one-eyedhillbilly.com. For more columns go to www.one-eyedhillbilly.blogspot.com.