Exercising to be an Old Outdoor Grump





Just imagine this fella with gray hair & an eye patch - That's gonna be me
in a few years...ain't grandma gonna be proud she's hitched to me !

By some folks way of thinkin’ I’m not right in the head…boy I hope my wife doesn’t read this article ‘cause, with an opening remark like that, I’ve really thrown open the door for comments that I might not want to hear! My ultimate goal in life is to become an old Grump. What I mean is - to my way of thinkin’ I don’t have any intention of slowing down as I grow into my old age. I don’t particularly like watching any TV or sports (we don’t even have it at our house). I don’t care for sittin’ around doing much of anything unless it’s around a campfire with trapping, hunting, or fishing planned for the next morning.

 

A great personal goal - Continually workin' on being
old enough & deserving of this coffee cup.

You see, with my boys I plan on hunting, fishing & trapping in the Ozarks, Rockies, Alaska and in all the wild places of this great continent well into my 80’s & 90’s. So, I’m trying to eat right, work out, and keep myself in shape so that I can become that crusty, grumpy old codger that lives on borrowed time 25 years longer than most folks expected (…or wanted!  HA!). That’s my whole reason for exercising – I want to live in the Great Outdoors until I keel over at 91 (or 101…fingers crossed) years old in the Wrangell-St. Elias in Alaska while pulling traps after a great season on the trap line with my boys. What a great ending to a great life in the Great Outdoors!

 

You go brother - wear it like a badge of honor! 



 I’ve both known & read about the type of folks this description portrays. The old grump that is set in his ways, easily abrasive with his opinion, unyielding with his children with his throw-back principles, a constant trial for his wife’s patience, and an outspoken dissident toward government…man, am I going to be pleasant when I get old or what! To make sure I reach my goals I’ve started working out and eating right. My son, Alex and I get up each morning and walk 2 miles and run 1 mile. I’ve cut out soda completely and I’m working on cutting sugar out of my diet…that’s kinda tough these days. I’m consuming more vegetables and fruit – mostly from our garden. It sure is easier to eat all those nutritious staples when you planted and grew it yourself. Also, the garden is a great source of exercise (mostly for my wife…but I’ll never admit it to her that she does more in the garden than I do!)

 

The older I get the more I realize that
this is definitely my flag!

My wife and kids think I’ve already made it to my ultimate goal. I’ve been accused of being crazy in my thoughts about speeding into old age. This morning as Alex and I were walking down a country road I told him when I’m an old man, if I’m lucky enough to pass while we’re in the woods, leave me there. I was never meant for a box in the ground. As a matter of fact I despise the thought. The way I figure it, I’m of this world and I want to go back to being a productive part of nature as soon as possible…according to my wife a multiflora rose bush or thistle will probably be the only plant the dirt from my old bones will grow! Man, if I wasn’t well on my way to being a crusty old Grump without feelings that kind of a comment might wound my inner child!

Multiflora rose bush…hmmm, I kinda like that. As long as you leave it alone, from a distance it’s kinda nice, but try to walk over it or through it and you’ll soon discover you’ve got into a scrape with a nasty old critter! In the eternal words of our founding father revolutionaries - Don't Tread On Me!  Well, that’s my goal…and I must be well on my way because at 44 years old my wife says I’m definitely already acting the part! So says the One-Eyed Hillbilly.

Greg Stephens is a life-time student & 35-year veteran of the great outdoors. His column appears weekly in print & online publications. You can email him at gregstephens@one-eyedhillbilly.com. For more columns go to www.one-eyedhillbilly.blogspot.com.

Vittles from the Hills

Peppercorn Crusted Deer Tenderloin with Wild Blackberry Glaze

We hunt to eat.  Don’t get me wrong – we love chasing wall-hanger bucks and waddling, beard-dragging gobblers as much as anybody but when it comes down to it, we’re in it for the food.  We’ll wait for a chance to harvest a monarch buck but if Mr. Big doesn’t show himself by mid-season we’re gonna cut down on Junior every time. If there’s one thing I’ve learned over 36 years of hunting and fishing, it’s that pride makes thin soup.  And, while it is still a form of recreation, in today’s economy when hunting or fishing season comes around its also serious business because both our freezer and pocket book need all the help they can get.  Fun, food, exercise, and life lessons all at the same time – it just doesn’t get any better than that!  

In the land of Hillbillies the best grilling, like the best cooking in the kitchen, is done on cast-iron. Deer tenderloin cooked 10 minutes on both sides on the Hillbilly Hibachi is a delicacy fit for even our ‘Flatlander’ city cousins. Don’t tell’em its deer meat and they will swear its a choice filet from the butcher shop.

Food in the form of wild game and produce make for the best tasting and healthiest sustenance available to mankind.  When you harvest from the bounty of Mother Nature, not only are you participating in the cycle of life, but you are also enhancing your health by avoiding the pitfalls of industrialized processed food – no antibiotics, steroids, hormones, pesticides, preservatives, etc., to worry about.  And, knowingly or unknowingly, you become an environmentalist of sorts by reducing environmental pollution due to reduced plastic and cardboard packaging.  It’s true - I haven’t seen too many Styrofoam and cellophane wrapped deer chops come from the skinning shed.  Likewise, I haven’t seen too many crappie filets from the lake hit the freezer in brightly colored cardboard packaging.  

Now here's a challenge for a hillbilly - you have to multi-task when preparing this recipe! (Or get Maw to do it for you!) Maw preparing the wild blackberry glaze.

Isn’t it ironic that in society today when it has become fashionable to be ‘green’ and environmentally conscience, the media does not mention the obvious fact that harvesters of nature are the original conservationists and environmentalists?  In the hills we never got away from being ‘green’ and environmentally conscience in the first place.  It’s been passed down to us for generations as a matter of necessity – we just call it surviving on the land. 

The high heat will char-crust the cut of meat but the center will be pink and delicious. Maw cutting the tenderloin into medallions.

Our parents and grandparents pass down to us how to process game, forage in the woods, can from the garden, and finally, cook what we harvest.  All natural and organic vittles from the hills are amazing when prepared with a good recipe.  And, in the information age, with Google only a click away, recipes that can substitute wild meat are virtually at your fingertips.  Deer tenderloin is a delicacy that rates second to none in fine meat cuts and when grilled and combined with other natural ingredients, such as wild blackberries in a red wine glaze, it is spectacular. 

Now those are some great Vittles from the Hills! Char-crusted Tenderloin in Wild Blackberry Glaze with bacon-fried greenbeans and mashed 'taters...Ummmm, I'm hungry.

My wife and I have come up with a new way of extending our outdoor experience by spending time together in the kitchen preparing wild game in new and tasty ways.  One recent adaptation from an old recipe was peppercorn crusted deer tenderloin with wild blackberry glaze.  You start off by rubbing down a generous piece of tenderloin with olive oil.  Next, in a bowl mix together 2 table spoons of cracked peppercorns with two teaspoons of salt.  Rub this mixture over the entire cut of meat.  Over high heat on a charcoal-fired cast-iron hibachi grill cook the tenderloin for 7-9 minutes per side or until char-crusted on the outside and pink in the middle.

While the meat is being prepared start the glaze by combining in a sauce pan over medium heat 1 cup of port wine, ½ cup red wine vinegar, ½ cup sugar, 2 teaspoons salt, 1 teaspoon cracked peppercorns, ¾ cup crushed wild blackberries, and 1 teaspoon flour. Cook this mixture down to a medium thick consistency (Note – for a sweet onion glaze you can substitute 1 cup of diced onions in place of the blackberries).  Layer medallion size cuts of meat on a plate then drizzle the glaze over the cuts.  Paired with fresh garden green beans fried with bacon and onions these vittles will please even the most discriminating flatlander palates of our city-folk cousins.  Give it a try.  So says the One-Eyed Hillbilly.

Greg Stephens is a 35-year veteran & life-time student of the great outdoors. His column appears weekly in print & online publications. You can email him at gregstephens@one-eyedhillbilly.com. For more columns go to www.one-eyedhillbilly.blogspot.com.